Horcruxes and Heartbreaks
As most millennials, I am a huge Potterhead. It has been my most favourite series ever since I watched the first movie as an 8 year old kid (yes, I am one of those people who watched a few movies first, then read the books, then watched the remaining ones. What do I say, I wasn’t much of a reader as a child). Something about watching the story of an ordinary little boy finding himself in an extraordinary world struck a chord somewhere within me and the rest was magic. As Harry and his friends grew up, I grew up with them. I found my solace in their adventures and Hogwarts became my home away from home. Harry Potter has always felt like a warm ray of sunshine on a cold winter morning. Safe to say, it has had a huge impact on my life and the way I perceive the world at large.
Death being the central theme of the series, the thing I have always wondered since I finished reading the books is: What if Horcruxes were real? What if one could actually split their soul into multiple parts and have it live on in another object or person? Would one ever put their hand up and say, “okay, fun. Let’s do it!”? Remember, it comes with a very heavy price tag. Probably not, right? But perhaps we do not have much choice in the matter. Hang on, let me explain what I mean.
We all have our souls ripped apart and stashed away somewhere in some forgotten part of the world. Every person you talk to, every person with whom you share or have ever shared a connection with ends up becoming your Horcrux in a way. You talk to them and end up giving them a part of yourself for safekeeping. And though sometimes you must part ways with them regardless of how special they were, the connection you shared with them will linger on within them unknowingly. Etched in their memory forever. Either to be cherished or to be shunned. But alas, never killed. Horcruxes exist. In a vastly different form, yes, but very much real.
You live on and evolve; you may learn new things; lose and rediscover yourself through the trials and tribulations that life doles out with ruthless efficacy. It is a disconcerting thought that your Horcrux gets to experience none of that. It will stay with them; unchanged forever in the deep ravines of their evolving brains. Whether you like it or not, it is lost in the depths of time. Irretrievable despite your best efforts. Very much like scooping out water with a fork. An exercise in futility.
“You will never be whole again. Some part of you is lost completely”
I broke one of my fingers some years ago and it remains slightly crooked to this day. It does not hurt anymore as long as I leave it alone but I still get pangs of discomfort every now and then. Just like my broken finger, some wounds never completely heal. These people; the ones who got away, or the ones you got away from, end up becoming exactly like these wounds. Unhealing and unyielding. You will never be whole again. Some part of you, however small, is lost completely.
Maybe this is why they say it is usually not a good idea to rekindle a lost love or friendship. Carrying the weight of a Horcrux for a long time makes one feel miserable, after all. It affects some worse than the others, like it did with Ron. I imagine our Horcruxes must have the same effect on the people who unknowingly carry them. Maybe they will never be able to look past what went wrong. It is easy to fixate on every single negative thing that happened in your time together. Comforting, even. Going back must feel like being reborn out of the Horcrux stored inside them. All the progress you might have made over time undone in a single helpless moment.
Overcome by a paroxysm of helplessness you might one day realise that ultimately none of this is in your hands however unfortunate it might be. The only thing you can do is get used to it. Get used to having to let people go. Get used to the idea of them carrying the weight of your connection; and having to carry the same weight yourself. Get used to reality ever so often crushing you down with this inexplicable burden. Get used to having to pay the heavy price. Because it is, as most things in life, unavoidable.
And just hang on to the hope that maybe, just maybe, one day you will be brave enough to become your own version of Harry, Ron, and Hermione.
PS: I have been extremely irregular with my writing but there is more coming up (hopefully). Meanwhile, I would really appreciate it if you could leave a ‘clap’ on this if you liked it and as always, share with people who might be interested. Every clap and share helps!
